I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
