My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
