You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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