You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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