I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
