You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I wish my penis had an off switch
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
