I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
