We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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