why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
