I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize