i just had sex bonerless
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
