is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
