Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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