i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
