so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
