Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
