you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
