Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
