that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
