You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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