so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
