non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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