I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
