Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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