Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
