i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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