the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
