how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
