Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
