So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
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the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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