Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
