K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
