Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
someone owes me an orgasm
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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