You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You've changed since you got that strap on
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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