Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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