I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
