After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
