i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
