what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
