And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
