I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
