reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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