so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
