I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
