I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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