He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
