We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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