The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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