Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
