They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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