I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
