its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
