remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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