I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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