I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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