TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
