Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize