Betty ford says i'm here all night
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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