what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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