wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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