Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
